I was right. My scales were wrong

My scales lied to me and lulled me into thinking I’d lost more weight than I had. Now I’m facing the truth.

Dieting is like snakes and ladders. Photo by VD Photography on Unsplash

I knew my scales were lying to me but it suited me to let them lie. It gave me a sense of achievement to see the dial going down and it kept me going. It was motivating. But the fat that stubbornly stayed around my middle told a different story. I wasn’t losing anything; in fact, I was gaining.

I’m now at that stage where just a little bit of over eating sees pounds leap back on but it’s become much harder to take any off. In fact, to be truthful here, I am now putting weight back on. It’s not a huge amount thankfully, about seven to ten pounds. But those are pounds I thought I’d lost. So to get back to where I thought I was, even though I knew I was kidding myself, I have to lose them all over again. Like passing Go in Monopoly and instead of collecting £200 you lose it all by landing on the income tax square. Or nearly winning at snakes and ladders only to throw a dice and land on that great big ladder before the final one that takes you right back to the beginning. Do children still play snakes and ladders? I hope so. It’s probably the best life lesson they can ever learn: “Where d’you think you’re going!” It teaches us humility. Not to be complacent or smug.

Like collecting £200 then losing it right after! Photo by Maria Lin Kim on Unsplash

Starting again

So I start again. I’ve kept off three and a half stone that I lost so there is still much to celebrate. I haven’t put it all back on and because I’m facing up to it, back to daily weigh-ins and setting what I hope are achievable goals, I don’t think I will put it all back on. It’s when you abandon weigh-ins and calorie counts that the weight is most likely to go back on, in my experience. I wanted to be like a normal person who ate whatever I wanted and didn’t obsess about my weight the whole time. I don’t think I can ever be that person. I am forever fated to be on a diet or over eating. Unless I obsess about my weight I cannot lose it. I cannot be normal around food. I have to accept that, painful and deeply upsetting as it is. I’ve made comparisons before with alcoholics and drug addicts. While this is obviously not the same it is nevertheless quite similar. A recovering alcoholic can never have a normal relationship with alcohol. They can’t be a social drinker because one drink is never enough.

In the America TV series The West Wing leading character Leo McGarry, who plays the president’s chief of staff, is a recovering alcoholic. Written by Aaron Sorkin, McGarry says this about drinking:

“I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? My brain works differently.”

We use food

Some people use booze to feel better, to cope with life’s ups and downs. Others use drugs. We use food. And I would argue it’s toughest for us to recover from this because you cannot stop eating. You can’t give up food. But what you can do is give up an unhealthy attitude towards food. Or at least try to. Food is not our enemy. Food is wonderful. It’s life giving, life enhancing, one of the most pleasurable things we do and we have to do it! Our bodies command it. Our very survival depends upon it.

I do think you can turn enjoyment of food into enjoyment of dieting. You can appreciate food more when you have to restrict it in order to get weight off. It is healthy to do this because being overweight can cause many health problems.

Pleasure of eating

I don’t want to be on a diet for the rest of my life. But I do accept I’ll always have to keep an eye on what I eat. Train myself to eat when I’m hungry and recognise signs when I’m eating for other reasons such as boredom, stress, tiredness and just the sheer pleasure of eating! Treats are still allowed. Treats are essential. But control is key. I want to control what I eat not be controlled by my overwhelming desires to just eat and eat, never feeling full yet never feeling satisfied either.

I believe you can train your appetite to want less and to enjoy food more. So I’m back on the treadmill. I’ve set what I hope is an achievable goal. Half a pound a week, two pounds a month. So ten pounds off by Christmas. More if I can manage it but keeping it manageable is what I’m after.

Good luck with your own weight-loss journeys. Keep at it. There will be setbacks. That’s inevitable. But life isn’t about avoiding all setbacks; it’s how you deal with them that counts. More later this month.