Never the taint!

It was a big mistake to weigh in during the taint

Facing the post-Christmas weigh-in

Learned a new word over Christmas. The Taint. It means the funny bit in the middle between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. It’s called The Taint because it taint Christmas and it taint New Year. Every day’s a school day on the interwebs.

I learned this lovely new word when I posted on Facebook that I had gained six pounds - SIX! - in just seven days. “Don’t weigh in during The Taint!” a respondent replied. What’s the Taint!? Well now we know. Finally we have a name for that odd bit at the end of December which isn’t New Year’s Eve or Boxing Day. Four days from the 27th to the 30th. I weighed in on the 28th. My last weigh-in before Christmas was the 21st. I didn’t go that mad over the festive days. I just stopped counting, weighing and measuring all my food. A licence to binge but even though I didn’t take full advantage of I still gained weight.

“Oh it’s only fluid!” said some kindly people.

“It’ll come back off.”

“You’ve done it before you know you can do it again.”

I do hope this is true but what it did bring home to me was that we dieters, we who are over fond of our food, we who live to eat rather than eating to live, have to be constantly vigilant. It’s not like being on a permanent diet, even though it can feel like one. It’s constant vigilance. You can’t let up. Your body is thirsty for calories and soon as you stop keeping an eye on them it grabs them and holds onto whatever excess you feed it.

Why most diets fail

It goes on oh so easily and takes an iron will to come off again. This is of course why most diets fail and most dieters put all the weight back on. Eventually your body beats you. Its demands for food are so powerful, so all-consuming, most of us cannot resist. Our brains programme us to eat just in case we face famine, the reality of most of human existence till very recently and even then it’s only in the very privileged pockets of the world that we don’t have to worry about famine and instead have an obesity crisis.

Many of us are embarking on restricted eating from today in the hope of taking off the Christmas excess. This is the time of year when people are most likely to resolve to lose weight, to finally crack their over eating, to take back control - or gain control if they never had it before. It can feel very powerful to be on the same page as most of the nation all desperately trying to shed those pounds piled on during Christmas. And yet most will fall by the wayside long before the end of January.

Don’t detox!

Will this year be different!? What can you do to make it different? This time it’s for real? My tip is don’t crash diet. Don’t go on a fad diet of any kind and definitely most definitely absolutely vitally do not do not DO NOT do a detox diet so popular this time of year. You don’t need to detox - that’s what you have a liver for. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you this is the way to go. Ignore the influencers and the celebrities selling you programmes they insist will work. Find your own way and do it gradually.

Don’t try to take it all off at once. Yes it’s probably fluid so soon as you cut back it probably will come off quite quickly but don’t crash diet, don’t starve yourself. Don’t go on a punishment regime. Be gentle. Take your time. Give yourself till at least the end of February or even March to get back to where you were. Yes yes I know it’s infuriating how easily it slips on and how tough it is to get it back off but thinking of yourself as at war with your body isn’t healthy. Your body puts on weight in the Winter because it thinks you need it. It’s protecting you. Our primitive brains are forever fearful of famine so of course it’s constantly sending you messages imploring you to eat. Don’t, I beg you, hate your body. It’s the only one you’ve got and its job is to take good care of you. So be nice to it and be nice to yourself. Eat a bit less, move a bit more, and take your time. The weight will fall off if you do that and you won’t feel deprived thus not setting yourself up for the yoyo of gain/loss/gain back again.

Happy new year and thanks for reading.